i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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