Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Green mimosas i think yes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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