so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
