he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You were trust falling into bushes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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