My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
