Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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