if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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