my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
