I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
