smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
