You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
