I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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