Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
