just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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