i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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