So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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