Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
