Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
