using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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