I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
