ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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