in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
