Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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