You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
