My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm passing your future prison.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
