My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
