I wish I could teleport
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
