i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
vagina is talking i cant
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
