Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
