I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
