Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
