I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
