I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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