I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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