You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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