I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
