i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
