I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
