guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
