Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
