I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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