3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
