My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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