I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
