Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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