I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
