I think my vagina is haunted
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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