idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
