Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
