Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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