literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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