Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
