But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
